by 5:56 AM 0 COMMENTS
You may be thinking to yourself; this guy is not working very hard on his campaign. Well, there is a few things that I should explain. First, I live a unique life. I'm not a computer geek, it took me forever trying to figure out how to hook my typewriter up to the internet. The only time I leave my bunker is to check the mail for commemorative Star Trek plates I buy on eBay. Regardless of all this, I have been waging a full scale international campaign.

This blog has been my primary tool for reaching English speaking voters. But, to win an international election you need to reach beyond the English speaking world. In the most populace nation in the world my campaign staff made a great observation; China has more men than women. If there is one thing most men like, it's women. So, to reach out to the Chinese people I am promising 40% increase in the number of Chinese women in my first term. This not only seems to have locked me the vote of Chinese men, but a substantial increased favorable rating from men around the world. Even my opponent, Bill Clinton, praised this idea.

Next my campaign turned it's focus to the Indian subcontinent and it's almost one billion voters. They came up with this slick
campaign video

I don't really get it either, but I'm told it is really connecting with the Indian youth.

Last, but certainly not least, we turned our focus to the continent of Africa. Our good friend Trestin, has informed me that the average African is more concerned about where their next meal will come from than conservative politics. So, I devised a strategy. A Chinese buffet in ever village. This has not just won me the support of poor Africans and the Chinese, but overwhelming support of overweight Americans that would like to see me expand this policy.

How will we pay for all of this?

First don't ask about the Chinese girls, just be happy. As for the Chinese buffets? I'm thinking a celebrity concert with Lionel Richie and Chuck Norris doing an interpretive dance version of Def Lepard's Poor Some Sugar on Me. Mr. T can Sing this Song:

Either that or countries can stop being slaves to international bankers; that would save us more than enough money to pay for all of this.



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