LETTERS I NEVER WROTE 3

by Anonymous 4:12 AM 0 COMMENTS

It's time for another round of letters I never wrote but should have. This week I take the time to address special groups of crazy people. Enjoy:






Dear Islamic extremist,

I know you want us to join you in your jihad against the west, but some of us have some objections to your belief system. You see, under Islam eating of pork is considered a sin. I love bacon, and enjoy a good ham and cheese sandwich. You can't deny people the pleasure of a good pork chop and expect them to betray their society, it just doesn't work. It is going to have to be one or the other, you can't have both.

Trestin Meacham



Dear Conspiracy Guy,

Few people are as open minded as you. Who else would be open minded enough to believe that the Nazis escaped to the hollow earth after WWII, and now live with ten foot tall people? Who else would believe that the Jews, Mormons, and the Masons are secretly controlling the entire world including counties with only a handful of Jews, Mormons, and Masons? Who else would believe that that a government as large and inefficient as our own is capable of spying on and conroling every citizen, without anyone knowing about it?

You inspire us all,
Trestin Meacham



Dear Modern Artist,

Do know that your drawings and paintings look like scribbles I made when I was five? Why don't you sculpt, paint, or draw something that looks like something. Call me crazy, but modern art looks a lot like failed art. I have to admit you have a pretty good thing going, 60K for a symbolic sculpture that looks like a lump of Play-doh. Well played, well played indeed.

Trestin Meacham