First let me start with something positive. I've been extremely impressed with your wardrobe these past few weeks. I'm not sure who picks out your ties, but they look sharp. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get down to business.
Ive been watching your recent crusade to destroy the 2nd Amendment. I know this may be hard for you to understand, considering you spend almost every waking moment in some kind of parallel reality where up is down and down is up, but you are wrong. You see, the rest of us spend all of our time in the real world. In your reality guns are the problem, they are sentient beings that willfully hunt down and kill all the flying zebras. In our reality there are no magical flying zebras, and a gun is an object that can be used in a variety of ways.
What concerns me more than anything is your recent attack on the LDS church for supposedly fueling a black market for weapons through their website KSL. Let's break down why this is wrong:
1. They are not selling any weapons. The site is a place where individuals can list and sell a variety of items for person to person sale. I found my truck on KSL.
2. Those who run the KSL site have been very careful to insure that the manner in which guns are listed and sold conform with state and national laws.
3. There is no evidence of anyone being harmed from a weapon which was sold on KSL.
4. KSL is a Utah based website. I know this one is hard for you to grasp, because in your mind there in nothing in between New Jersey and California. Utah is state, and it a long way out of your jurisdiction. Most of the items on the site are sold in Utah and the surrounding states.
5. This is America, not New York, law abiding citizens are allowed to buy and sale weapons.
I'm going to stop at five, there are many other reasons you are wrong on this, but I know it's hard for your mind to stay in this reality for more than ten minutes. In short, I don't blame you, I blame the people of New York for electing an old baby-boomer who's mind no longer functions normal, due to the overuse of psychedelics. Just give this note to your handlers, and watch out for the camel people.
Trestin Meacham (the talking kangaroo from the sandwich shop)