Daily Dose of Stupid

by 7:33 PM 0 COMMENTS

Seems like the little shin-dig they be havin' on Wall Street is contagious, and the morons in Portland wanna play, too. Great. Here's a taste:

Since I'm in a college town not far away, I live among and have to deal with his sort all the time. Bad enough when they are American idiots. Bringing in foreign morons is taking things too far. With his bloo'y wankah accent, I can't catch everything he's saying. So maybe I'm wrong when he holds up a little jar of drugs and talks about smoking it. OK, Limey. You've been hoodwinked. If you think that is good stuff worth YouTubing, you're really lame. Weed should be green and fuzzy and kinda sticky and should smell like a skunk mating with a freshly-cut Christmas Tree. (I haven't touched the stuff since '94, but I remember a few things. I haven't *always* been a Model CitizenTM.) It should NOT look like garlic powder. Go find the punk who sold you that junk and beat the crap out of have some thoughtful non-violent dialog with him about his crappy weed.

The one in the lower-right corner can occupy most of Portland
all by herself.
These are the people whining about lack of opportunity because Corporate America is such a downer. Well, whiner, to Corporate America, your appearance is a downer. Maybe if it didn't look like you've been shot in the face with a hardware store, and maybe if you took those stupid tribal wooden thingies out of your earlobes, you could get a job. But I won't hold my breath for that to happen. Even though I'd like to, as your smell is unpleasant. Hate to burst your bubble even further, but Urban Outfitters is a corporation. Complete with like a Corporate Headquarters and Guys in Suits and all that. I'll wait while you process that little tidbit...

OK? Good.

These are also the same people who have "Keep Portland Weird!" stickers on the backs of their Subarus. Kids, Portland doesn't need your help. The fruitwads in City Hall have the weird all locked down and going nowhere. The latest? MANDATORY composting! Yep, ya can't throw away your food waste. Can't toss the fuzzloaf that has been in the back of the 'fridge since '06. It has to go in the Yard Debris recycle bin now. Wait. What if you're an apartment dweller and don't have a Yard Debris bin? You get a shiny new plastic bucket from the City of Portland to put your organic arugula scraps in! Yay! And since you have this bucket, the City has decided that they don't need to pick up your garbage every week, but instead will only come every other week! Double-Yay! Your plankton/tofu nutloaf leftovers get to sit in a bucket for two weeks! Won't fit in your fridge? No problem! Just put it outside to attract disease-carrying vermin and freegans. (sorry 'bout the redundancy) What if you're an apartment dweller with no real 'outside'? Umm, tough crap, amigo! Put it out in the hallway next to your loud neighbor's door and hope for the best!

Everything about these longhaired maggot-infested FM types makes me want to hurl. But I'm on an empty stomach. So I guess I'll douse a Spotted Owl in napalm and use him to light a pile of old tires on fire, over which I'll sacrifice a barrel of crude oil to Exxon/Mobil while checking my stock ticker.



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